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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CLINT BARTON. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 008.01.023.11 * HAWKEYE has joined 008.01.023.11 <hawkeye> this is clint barton, please leave a message. <hawkeye>** if you need something fixed in your apartment please just knock on my door or something, it's faster.

"Anonymous" username: < ronin >

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There once was a boy who was a Halloween fanatic. He loved dressing up for Halloween, he loved pulling pranks and watching horror movies, and above everything else... he loved candy. One fateful year, while he went trick-or-treating, he visited a house. This house was creepy as hell! It was big, it was old, it smelled like a grandmother and it was owned by a happy, old rich couple. The boy came here thinking that he would be handed out big chocolate bars, because it was a rich person's house but when he knocked on their door... he was handed a bag of that shitty candy that nobody likes! Tootsie rolls, shitty flavoured dum-dums, those weird... peanut things... needless to say, the boy was heartbroken. He was so heartbroken that he died, right there on their porch and now, every Halloween he goes out and finds people to curse. He wants everyone to suffer the same way he did!

Everybody is already suffering from his curse!! Send this to ten people to break the curse, or to avoid getting cursed, or you'll be stuck looking freakier than usual for the rest of your life!!!!!!!!!!

....

do they seriously have chain letters in monster hell, too?

Looks like it. Isn't it dumb? :D

dumb as hell. who the hell are you, anyways?

<-------- :) :) :)

...thanks. very helpful.

you're so welcome!

[ Slade can count the number of interactions he's had with Hawkeye on one hand. The latest 'anonymous' network post doesn't give enough information for Slade to go on — not that there's any indication that talk of vigilantism would either curb or curry Slade's favor. Still, there's a reason Hawkeye earned himself a spot on that list. ]

I have a proposition.

[Huh. It's this guy. Clint doesn't quite know his deal beyond the fact that...well, he was on that list that accidentally got published to the network. But it's not like he's met the man in person (or knows he's Joey's father).]

most people follow up with the proposition in question, but, hey, way to keep someone engaged in the conversation. i'm listening.

You seem to be making a name for yourself around town. You've caught my attention. I'd like to see what you're capable of. Defeat me and you'll be rewarded.

[ The classic challenge your children's friends in hand-to-hand combat. ]

Edited 2020-12-01 05:35 (UTC)

[ Seconds later: ]

What size sweater do you wear?

uh, medium?

i'm getting some real mixed signals here. you seem to know a lot about me, but i don't know all that much about you.

[Also he doesn't know how to feel about this rando saying that he's going to be rewarded...for...fighting him?]

[ Only for defeating* him. Losing isn't an option. ]

That right? ...Sure. We can play by your terms. What do you want to know?

[No pressure on Clint, of course.]

a name would be nice. your actual name, not your username. also, what exactly prompted this? are we going to square off in the middle of a street somewhere, or am i going to have to watch my back in case i get jumped?

also it'd be nice to know why i was on that list.

Slade. Attacking you while your guard is down is a cowardly act. No, I'm not going to off you from the bushes, kid. I have a place. I have a time. Bring a weapon, if you choose.

[Kid?]

you know i'm, like, thirty years old, right?

[Something like that. Comic book ages are vague.]

just to be clear, uh...this isn't, like, to the death, right? if it's not, i accept your terms, slade.

Edited 2020-12-01 22:05 (UTC)

'Like' thirty? I'm, like, sixty. Which makes me, like, twice your age. Kid.

[ Comic book ages are very vague. But he's taking notes. ]

You know you come back when you die here, right? No one ever explained that one to you?

give or take a few years. it gets weird because i was dead for a little bit.

i mean, i do know that. it's just i feel like the process of dying still sucks

but whatever. let's do this. let's hope you don't throw out your back in the process.

You too? How long did you stay underground for? If you lose, my back will be the least of your problems.

oh, no, i mean i just straight up died. my memory's still kind of spotty about it. then reality got altered and i came back. weird stuff.

um. i still don't know why we're fighting, beyond some arbitrary measure of 'proving myself'. what if i just refuse to go?

I was dead for weeks. Then some Romani pirate gave me leprosy. Brought me back to life but to a world where some alternate version of myself had taken my place. Weird stuff. And that's within your right. I'm not your dad. About the sweater. Any wings or extra arms I should take into account?

oh

and here i thought you were about to threaten me or something. just goes to show, i guess.

also, no. but you might want to think about making it, uh, a little more roomy. wouldn't want to end up tearing your precious gift.

seriously why are you giving me a sweater?? i barely know you

Sweaters stretch. Just how much pie do you plan on eating this Christmas?

i'm a werewolf. it sucks having to grow, like, two feet every night. not to mention all the fur that gets everywhere.

you should have a talk or something on how to dodge questions.

I'll put you down for a *very* stretchy sweater. And a lint roller.

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